Why More Couples Are Choosing Not To Live Together

by Tyrone James Martin
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Relationship Shift

In a world where breakups seem to be on the rise, along with  affairs, divorces, separations, and a list of other things that Taylor Swift usually writes songs about, it’s high-time to reevaluate our traditional notions of romantic relationships. Don’t get us wrong, she creates pure magic, but the number of broken relationships and marriages nowadays can be quite alarming. 

For decades, we’ve followed a rather rigid script of meeting someone, falling in love, moving in together, and eventually getting married and starting a family. The period spent living apart in a relationship is often overshadowed by the time spent living together. However, a growing number of couples are now opting for a different approach: “living apart together.” 

This doesn’t doesn’t point to a lack of love and interest in intimacy; rather, it signifies a conscious choice to prioritize individual space and well-being within the relationship. After all, you can’t be happy together if you can’t be happy on your own. 

In this article, I’ll explore the compelling reasons why couples are increasingly embracing this unconventional–and to some, controversial–lifestyle.

Another Way To See It

Family Love

I believe it’s essential to understand that just because you chose not to live with someone, it means that you don’t love them that much. We all love our parents, siblings, and friends, but we wouldn’t necessarily want to share living space with them. I enjoy living alone but I still love my mother, my sister, my family to death.

We’re all familiar with the saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt,” and for those who have struggled with marital and domestic problems just like I did, living apart together is now starting to make sense. 

The decision to live apart is not a reflection of a loveless relationship or marriage; it’s about recognizing that maintaining separate residences where you can be comfortable with and by yourself., can be healthier for the relationship.


Living Apart Together: Where and How to Start

The first step on the journey of living apart together needs a few essential elements. First and foremost, couples need courage, confidence, a lot of trust–and we mean A LOT, and emotional strength. They’ll need to stay strong and be ready for anything, including snide comments from other people, because the society often perceives couples who live apart together as afraid to commit, immature, or not a legitimate couple – which I think is completely unreasonable. The establishment of total trust between partners and fostering open, honest communication about the status of their monogamy is just as important in this kind of set-up, because let’s be real, you wouldn’t really know what they’re up to 24/7.


Giving “Serious Relationship” All New Meanings

Serious Relationship

Living separately gives couples the freedom to really dig into the nitty-gritty of their relationship in a super personal and cozy way. No need to sweat the whole “we gotta shack up to show we’re serious” thing society pushes on us. Don’t get it twisted, though—being all up in each other’s personal space doesn’t automatically mean you’re there emotionally too. We’ve got a ton of all new and wholesome ways to bond and show our love to that special someone without needing to share a roof. 


A Way to Stay Independent

You know, love’s all about sharing, but sometimes things go a bit too extra, and you’re practically glued at the hip, right? Like, suddenly, you’re both lost without each other, and basic adulting skills start fading away – cooking, cleaning, even earning your own income, you name it. 

Living apart might be the move to keep that solo hustle and bustle intact, giving each of you the space to maintain your individuality and stay self-sufficient.


Balancing Love and Friends

Social Life

When you’re all wrapped up in that love bubble, it’s easy to keep other people out of the world you share with your significant other, right? We’ve all been there: ghosting our friends to be with our partners, spending less time with them because we have to get home to our spouses. But guess what? That can mess things up on all fronts. Here’s the key to a balanced life: keeping separate places. It’s all about keeping your friendships healthy and avoiding smothering your partner. 

When you live apart together, it’s no longer a choice between date night and a catch-up with friends; it’s a harmonious blend of both. This way, you’re not just someone’s better half; you’re the whole package, keeping all your human connections alive and thriving. Bonus: your friends don’t have to put your face on a milk carton wondering where you’ve disappeared to.


Don’t Miss Out on Those Feels

Sharing your life with your partner 24/7 might seem cozy, but let’s talk real talk – absence can be a game-changer in keeping that love spark alive. You see, when you’re constantly in each other’s necks, you don’t get that chance to truly pine for ’em. And you know what they say – distance makes the heart grow fonder. It’s like a breather for your relationship, giving you both a break from each other, and making those reunions all the sweeter.


Level Up Your Communication Game

Communication Skills

When you’re stuck with someone who’s getting on your nerves, it’s like a whole non-verbal drama unfolding. We’ve all been through that “radio silence” phase with our significant other post-argument. But guess what? Less face time means more talk time, and that’s the secret sauce to upping your communication skills.

No more grunting acknowledgments or passive-aggressive fridge notes. Instead, you’re sending thoughtful texts, engaging in deep phone calls, or having video chats that don’t just skim the surface.


Spices Up the Chat

When lovebirds don’t clock in as much quality time, their chit-chats level up, and things get even more interesting. No more basic office gossip or grocery list discussions – they start digging into each other’s juiciest musings, emotions, adventures, and passions, forging a bond that’s next-level deep. 

Imagine swapping stories about your separate adventures or planning the next date night, making every conversation a teaser trailer for the fun to come. It’s not mundane household updates; it’s juicy tidbits, flirty banter, and shared laughter, keeping the dialogue zesty and full of flavor. So, while you might be living apart, your chats are closer, more exciting, and definitely less about dividing chores and more about multiplying joys!


Splitting Up the To-Do List

Chores can totally trigger major drama in relationships, especially in hetero setups where ladies usually end up doing most of the domestic work. 

Choosing to live apart means where you don’t have to squabble over who forgot to buy milk or whose turn it is to clean the bathroom.; instead, you’re enjoying the peace that comes with knowing nobody’s going to rearrange your perfectly chaotic closet. It’s a wise move that makes sure each partner owns their turf, reducing the drama over who scrubs what. 


Always Learning Something New

Learning Something New

Being together 24/7 can totally kill the interest that first pulled you together like magnets. Having your own space is like keeping the thrill of unraveling your partner, knowing them more, and falling in love with them all over again. 

Every time we meet, I discover something new and amazing about my partner – their favorite desserts, preferred music genre, and best-loved snacks – everything! With these new insights, I was ready to plan even more awesome outings and keep the fun times going.


Don’t Sweat the Money Stuff!

Money squabbles, whether it’s the big bucks talks or just bickering over who left the lights on, can seriously mess up your relationship or marriage. Opting for separate places can totally help sidestep these cash clashes.

When you’re living apart together, you’re in charge of your individual finances, and there’s no side-eyeing each other’s splurges. You can save yourself from the “Did you really need another pair of shoes?” conversation and invest in your peace of mind instead.

Each of you can manage money your way, making it rain or saving for a rainy day, no judgments passed. So, while you’re passing sweet nothings, you’re not passing over receipts for scrutiny. It’s less about nickel and diming each other, and more about dollar and dreaming together—separately.


Less Is MoreLess Is More

We’ve all heard of the phrase, “Quality over Quantity.” The same applies to relationships. Frequent contact can lead to taking each other for granted. When couples spend less time together, they cherish their moments more, savoring the quality time they share. So, every date feels like a premiere, every kiss like a first, and every shared pizza like a culinary adventure. It’s not about the quantity of time spent in the same space, but the quality of heartbeats shared. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and apparently, less likely to argue over who left the toothpaste cap off!


Going Out More Together

Going Out

Living apart ain’t such a bad thing after all! It’s like the missing ingredient for couples who want to spice things up and keep the flame burning. Picture this: every rendezvous with my husband is like a mini adventure waiting to happen. I can’t help but get ecstatic thinking about all the epic stuff we’ll get into during our outings – it’s like a relationship booster! And let’s be real, dressing to impress for dinner beats ordering takeouts any day.


You Get More Thrill From VacationsMore Vacation Thrills

When you’re not stuck in that day-to-day grind, vacays with your partner are like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly, you see each other in a whole new light. You’d both be thrilled to plan your next get-away—turning your relationship into a series of exciting excursions rather than just a shared Netflix queue where one or both of you falls asleep halfway through the movie. After all, who needs another night-in when you can both paint the town red, one date at a time?

Let me tell you, my first getaway with my partner was a total game-changer. Now, I’m all in for more adventures together.


Decking Out Your Space: Embrace Your Unique Style


When it comes to personal vibes, me and my partner, we’re on opposite ends of the spectrum. Our tastes, preferences, and styles? Total opposites! We’re talking about major clashes here. But you know what’s the game-changer? Having our own separate homes to rest and recharge however we please. It’s all about creating spaces that scream “me” and “them.” It’s a style showdown, and we’re both winning!


Respecting Each Other’s Freedom

Living apart? It’s all about respecting your partner’s personal space and privacy, keeping things fresh without getting all tangled up. No one’s forcing their playlist on you, and you won’t turn them into your clone either.

Essentially, it’s like having your cake and eating it too, but for relationships. You love your partner, but you also love watching true crime documentaries at 2 AM without receiving the side-eye.

You can finally have that huge aquarium with a ton of fish your partner always complained about being tough to maintain, and they can keep their apartment as minimalist or as cluttered as they like, without negotiations. It’s less about marking your territories and more about celebrating your individualities. Think of it as a breathing room—where love meets personal liberty, and no one has to hide their weird collection of McDonalds memorabilia.


It Is Perfect For Introverts

Perfect for Introverts

Introverts need their solo time to recharge, right? Living solo means introverts can recharge, so when you’re together, it’s the best version of both of you. It’s about being together, apart, and not feeling guilty for closing the door softly and whispering, “Ah, silence.”

Being an introvert, I get overwhelmed and physically exhausted when I can’t have my me-time to recharge my social battery. When I got my own place, it was a totally rejuvenating experience. I finally had my space to unwind and recharge alone and at my own pace.


No More Compromise Drama

Sure, compromise matters in a relationship, but it shouldn’t lead to grudges. Living apart lets you keep your own life, career, and still have a rock-solid connection without the baggage.

By maintaining separate residences, you can both enjoy the best of both worlds: the companionship and support of a loving partner, and the independence and personal space that comes with living alone. 

This modern-day living arrangement allows for more personal freedom, lessening the need for constant negotiations over living habits and domestic responsibilities. It fosters a sense of individuality and reduces the pressure to conform to a partner’s lifestyle, which can be a major source of tension in traditional ‘living together’ relationships.


Sleep Like A Baby


Sharing a bed can be a battlefield of snores, tosses, and blanket wars. When you live apart together, you can say Sayonara! to blanket hogging, freezing temperatures after your partner set the AC to Olaf-summoning temperatures, and waking up to ungodly snores that seem to be coming from Hades himself. Don’t get me wrong, cuddling with my husband is great, but sleeping solo equals top-notch rest, and that means more happiness and productivity.

And as an added bonus, you get to dodge those early morning debates about who gets the first turn in the bathroom.


It’s Your World

Being the boss of your room temperature, noise level, and sleep schedule? That’s the dream. When you’re chill on your own, you’re a better partner. You get to know yourself more, so you can communicate better on how you want to be loved and how you want your relationship to grow and develop. 


Full-On You Time

Being Yourself

In a relationship, you’re honest, but some things take a back seat. When you’re flying solo, you can dive into your personal pleasures, no questions asked. It’s about hitting pause on the relationship’s demands to recharge and focus on your well-being. Whether it’s diving into a good book, practicing yoga, or just enjoying a quiet moment with a cup of coffee, a full-on me-time helps reduce stress, improve mood, and ultimately, make you a better partner. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary. Prioritizing personal time leads to a more balanced, happy life and enhances your ability to care for others and meet everyday challenges.


Always an Option

Living apart together doesn’t mean that you can’t stay at each other’s places–of course you can! But having a separate space means that you have the options on where you want to crash when you’re too tired to interact with anyone, to recharge your batteries, or to defuse after an argument.


Romance, Anyone?

Living apart together is a daily love story. Every day, you choose love over logistics, and that’s real love. It’s the thrill of the “hello” without the mundane of the “did you feed the dog?” Your love letters aren’t drowned out by daily chores; they’re the main event. Living apart means you’re always looking forward to the next date, keeping the butterflies alive and flapping. Plus, who doesn’t love an excuse to miss someone just enough to make every reunion feel like the first? So, in a world where romance often gets lost in the laundry pile, living apart together keeps the spark alive, proving that sometimes, a little distance can bring hearts closer.


When Kids Enter the Scene

Family With Children

Living separately might seem like kid-free territory, but it’s doable even with little ones around. They get two rooms, two kitchens, two of everything. And let’s be real: if Mom and Dad are happy, then so are the kids. 

It doesn’t make sense to keep living together and have the kids watch you and your spouse bicker all the goddamn time. 


Separate Sleeping Quarters


If living in separate homes is a jump too far for you, having your own rooms under one roof can still keep the spark alive. 

If your partner snores like a grumbling demon and it gets on your nerves or if she’s a farting machine while she sleeps, having separate sleeping quarters will give you the rest you need, so you don’t need to look at them with contempt while you sip your morning coffee. 


When Money’s Tight

If you don’t have enough budget to keep separate living spaces, a solo short get-away or vacation can also do the trick. 

Before I had enough money to spare to afford a separate space, I had regular me-time sessions every couple of months just to recharge my batteries. I would book a hotel room for a few days to a week out of town just to enjoy my alone time, away from chores, the ubiquitous marital drama every now and then, and to keep my sanity intact. 


Therapists Approve

Relationship on the rocks? Some therapists suggest a stint apart to clear your head, ditch the stress, and rekindle the spark. You’ll realize what you’ve got and appreciate it more.

When you see each other everyday, you tend to take the other person for granted. Being together 24/7 gives you the security that they’ll always be there, so we sometimes unconsciously put them lower in our list of priorities. This will then lead to issues and ultimately put your relationship or marriage at risk. 

Living apart together gives you a fresher perspective to help you appreciate and value your partner even more. 


Talk About It Early

Discussion While Early

Got the feels for someone special? Talk about living apart upfront. It’s a chat that involves less of “Where do you see us in five years?” and more of “How do you feel about having separate zip codes?” Approach it with humor, like, “I love you more when I don’t have to share a bathroom with you.” This way, you’re laying the foundation for a relationship that celebrates togetherness and individuality, ensuring no one is shocked to find out that ‘home sweet home’ doesn’t always mean ‘home together home’.

It’s a game-changer that can save you both from awkward misunderstandings down the road. My partner and I were all about this from the start.


Living Apart Together: Is It For You?

In a world where society has its say on love, remember there’s no one-size-fits-all. “Living apart together” is all about personal growth, respect, and open communication. It might not be everyone’s jam, but it’s a bold alternative to the usual love shack. A rock-solid relationship is all about understanding, trust, and doing what’s right for both of you.

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